ignored

There is laughter there

In-between broken ribs and bent souls

In being alone, in touching your own wounds

Salted funny

 

I needed to tell you I was crazy; in promise

You would not reject me because

I have an art about forgiving and still losing everything

Telling the preacher himself

So that I don’t feel so lonely

When you sit your sin right beside me

 

A mass of contradictions

You told me right and taught me wrong

Thinking that all I have to do is tell the truth; be strong

When the rope was dangling there all along

You sleep soundly

Thinking you have killed me, but I loved you

That was always the right choice to me

 

Painfully

They all want to wreck me

And I want salvation

You want portraits of the condition I am currently in

Still waiting

Seeing the light through your cavernous body

Hoping my spirit clings to the correct things

And not the dampness of your dark

 

Taking what you give me

Even when it hurts me; you left me

Feigning and sickly; scrawny

From the lack of dreams where you would hold me

Sometimes I feel your fingers foreign

And I lack the self-respect to

Stop them because it’s been so long since

I’ve had someone’s whole palm to lay my cheek in

 

My tears will never be enough restitution

I could bleed your vanity and still be too thin

To complicated to kiss

Unaware of your efforts

Claiming to have good intentions

But all I feel is shame creep in

 

Memories of when just your form could make my entire structure unsound

Your smell could make me forget I ever

Saw hell in your eyes

The way they matched perfectly with your voice

That spoke to those words

Making me put a Smith and Wesson to my head

 

With still no kiss to my temple

The love I feel from you is lethal

But I know I’m more than thankful

Because if I was like you

Selfish acting noble

I would feel even more so unlovable

 

I have hope and

You don’t; say;

I’m sorry but I wouldn’t either

If the only good part in my entire day

Was watching a beautiful girl decay and slip away

 

My reality

And still you have the audacity

To say ‘leave me be’

 

KS

 

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