“He couldn’t love himself, so I loved him enough for both of us. It wasn’t enough.”

you will one day meet someone
who can paint the stars from memory with
a tongue that can sing birds down from the
trees and a heart big enough to house
eternity, four chambers and so full of
love for every other person, four chambers
and so incredibly
rottenthey will hate themselves with a force
you will not be able to counter. they will
ruin their bodies and minds and hold
their souls hostage and you will watch
and try to scramble to knit their bones
back together and maybe it will work for
a little but it won’t work forever becausedepression doesn’t care about love. self-hate doesn’t
listen to compliments. doubt doesn’t allow you
to pack it in boxes. anxiety will chew their skin
no matter how many times you chase it away.
the voices will come back, if not now, then
one day

and maybe this feels like you’re stuck watching someone
self-destruct, but the truth is, even if their brain is ripping
them to shreds, even if depression doesn’t care: that kid
does. it might be loud in their head, but you’re the only
source of quietness. they might push you away but i
promise it’s only because they don’t think they deserve
such a good friend. come back. come back. come back
for them.

the truth is, if someone takes that final step, it’s not
your fault. i swear. they stayed as long as they could
because of you. they kept themselves here against
everything just because you kept giving them hope
and courage to fight.

because when everything suddenly lines up and it looks like
the only way out of this world is at the base of a gun, they
will count their cavalrymen, every one. they will count
their mother and father and sister and brother and they will
count you among the soldiers and they will stand your love
like a lion against the oncoming wave and they will say
“i’m not alone. tonight, i stay.”

– He couldn’t love himself, so I loved him enough for both of us. It wasn’t enough.” /// r.i.d

One thought on ““He couldn’t love himself, so I loved him enough for both of us. It wasn’t enough.”

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